Porn is love you can see.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
