She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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