I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
