What a fucking waste of an outfit
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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