IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
