I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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