We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think your dad took our porno
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
