I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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