You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
