If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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