benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
