i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize