He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
