she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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