Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
