I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
