I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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