As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize