Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
