she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize