so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
