FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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