Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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