cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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