Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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