last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
