why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
