the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
