I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
