Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
