Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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