rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
