I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
