i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
