I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
