she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
