her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She even gives head with a lisp.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
