Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
