yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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