you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
