remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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