dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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