I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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