Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
