I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
