I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
