you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
