This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
