Don't make out with my wife yet
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
