Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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