Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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