HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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