Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
