Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
