"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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