Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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