I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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