I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
