Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize