I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize