I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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