it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
