hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It's shark week go big or go home
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
