someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
