sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
