my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
