ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize