Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
