Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
