i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ladies don't puke and tell
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
