Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
