So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
