Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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